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Who Am I

Everyone is sleeping
In their rooms

She is here waiting for sleep to come
She tries to sleep
She can't

Silently she moves out of her room
Silently she opens herself
In her balcony under the night sky

Looking at the sky
She wonders
What is there

With her thoughts running in her mind
She listens to the voices
Screaming within her

She sat there
Waiting for dawn
Sunlight to reach her soul

Instead of enjoying
The silence of the night sky
She overthinks

She is happy outwardly for the outer world
For people whom she comes across as
She cant tell them about her
Going through her bad days as told to her by someone special

Inwardly she is not at all happy
She is struggling

Struggling with insecurities
Struggling with anxieties
Struggling with depression
Struggling with fear

She remembers the beautiful moments
Memories being displayed in her mind
In a flashback

Years ago
She was happy
She was not the same person as she is today

She was a person with dreams
Aiming high
Working hard

With the each year passing by
With each celebrated birthday
Somewhere life faded away

With childhood leaving her
Innocence too was carried away
Without saying a goodbye

The years came one by one
In no time puberty too set in
Making her a teenager

An age when she was different from others
An introvert age for her
An age where she had faced much

She was not like others
She was unknown by herself
She was unique

Where others used to enjoy hanging out with friends
She used to enjoy in her own room
Reading books
Writing her heart out on a piece of paper

Where others used to be in relationships
She used to be struggling
To introduce herself

When others were going through a heartbreak
She was struggling
To get a book for her

When others used to hide things from parents
She was there
Telling them each and every thing

When others used to have best friends in school
She was there
Always aloof and alone

When others were busy making memories with their friends
She was there
With her brothers and sister

When others used to chided by parents for not helping them out
She was there
Helping her family in all household chores

When others used to have night talks
She was there
Sleeping by eight o clock to get up at five o clock

When others were living their best days of life
She was there
Studying for hours

When others were breaking rules
She was there
Following her timetable sincerely made by her sister

When others used to watch movies
She used to watch
Ramayana Mahabharata with her grandmother

When others used to play sports
She was there
Learning to ride a cycle by her brothers

When others were busy in watching t.v.
She was there
Busy watching nature

For being like this
She was abandoned by many

She remembered​
Many people ignoring her
Neglecting her
calling her coward  lifeless and abnormal

Years later
Something happened to her
God knows what
She started to be like others

Being a bold and confident person which she never was
In front of others
She lost herself
Her originality
Her innocence
Her patience
Her uniqueness
Her seriousness
Her sincerity
Her duties
Her responsibilities
Towards her family
Towards her life

Trying to fit in their world
She was carried away from her own happy world
A world where she could never get back
After losing her completely

While  being a person who is loved by everyone
She lost all her kindness
She lost her inner peace and happiness

Seeing others
She also started to enjoy life
She stopped helping her family
stopped telling them things
stopped studying as before sincerely
stopped watching Epics

When others were setting in adulthood
She was setting in her teenage years
Things which they had done in their teenage
She was doing in her adulthood

After so many years
Looking back
She realised​ what she has lost
Dreams  shattered by her

When she was mature before her age
Others were not
When others matured
She was still in her teenage years


What she should have done in her teenage years
She did now
When others want her to be responsible
To be independent
To be a lady with a class

She don't have much
Not many friends
Not many people
Not many memories

Have lost so much in life
Before starting a new life
Life has faded away from herself

She never had any complaints
She never demanded anything from anyone
Not from her parents even

Now when she wants to talk with people
Doing silly things
They want her to be mature

Life was good
When she was alone
Happy in her own  world

Away from all this
Away from negativity

Things became worse
When she wanted to be free from herself
Wanted to be with others

In changing herself
For others
She changed forever and ever

Now she realised that
She was going right
She was doing well

It was her blunder
To be liked by others
To be loved by others
Others who never wanted her in their life

She thought that may be
Something was wrong with her
Something was missing in her
Her attitude towards others
Her friends
Her family

She doesn't have many friends
No friends
To share everything
Good or bad

Looking at the night sky
She questioned herself
Who Am I.

She cried and cried
Why she didn't knew

She cried all night
Her health detoriared badly
She thought so much that she was suffering
From depression

She didn't saw any hopes to live
She wanted to run away
Where she didn't knew

With sunlight touching her gloomy face
She told herself
To rise above everything
To go and kiss the world

A world where she was happy
A world where she was contented
A world where she was at peace
Her own world

With sun giving light to others
Gave her the zeal to succeed
Gave her strength to move on
Gave her gift of innocence

With these thoughts
Dark night faded away
To welcome the new light
Which was to be felt by her

She stood up
To welcome herself
Lost somewhere years back.

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With and Without you.

Life seems apart without you
You were the reason for my smile
You were the reason for my joy
You were the reason for my happiness
You were the reason for my life

I see your messages hundred times
I re read your messages thousand times
I  see the pictures clicked with you million times
I see the emails from you for the billionth time

I remember how we used to talk daily
Without getting bored
Without running off topics
How nights turned to mornings
Talking to you
How stars turned to sunrise
Chatting with you

I don't hear from you anymore
I don't see you anymore
I don't meet you often
I don't converse with you

Yet you are always in my mind
Yet you are always in my heart
Yet you are always in my memories
Yet you are always in my dreams

You were so near to me
Yet so far
You were lost in your world
Yet so in my mind

At times I ponder was I so bad
What went wrong
What blunders I created
What wrong I did

Being my self was my mistake
Being so much into you was my mistake

The Witty White.

The night is falling in
Stars shinning so bright Moonlight reaching out to me Wind blowing like a sweet melody
I see you Through my window I see you covered in white  All white
I see your carriage White in colour Decorated with white flowers and
With white ribbons.

I know you are waiting for me So am I I also long for you I also wait for you passionately
I see no reason to be there I have lost everything The things which were treasure for me The time which I had
I have lost everyone My family  My friends Whom I thought  As my best friends As my true friends
I have lost all the hopes I have lost all the passion I have lost all the happiness I have lost all the push
I have become heartless I have become emotionless I have become painless I have become soulless
When I had feelings They told me to grow up When I was happy always They told me to grow up
When I had heart  They told me to be serious When I had emotional life They told me to be serious
When I found hopes to live They told me…

Someday Somewhere

On my way to office
I see him everyday
At the same place
In the same clothes

Wearing bright white  t-shirt and
A Black Pants
With slogan
Work Hard

I see him always
Sitting under a shady tree
With him boundless packed
Selling books and magazines

I try to interact with him
Everytime I try
I am unable to interact
With him as he is busy with his other customers

Seeing him
So busy
I change my mind and
Move on to my way

Thinking about him
So deeply
I am not able to concentrate on my work
In my office

Making up my mind of
Meeting him and interacting with him
On my way back
I quickly leave my office

Sadly he is not there
I see him everywhere
Yet can't find him
Searching him for five minutes

I ask other people
Adjacent to his place
People or may be his friends
About him leaving his place quite early

Sadly I walk
To my bus stop
Waiting for my bus
I think of him

I see him everywhere
I see him following me
I see him standing next to me
In my daydreaming

Getting in my bus
I don't take win…