Monday, 19 June 2017

Dying Me

Weeping always
Crying for hours
Having sleepless nights
Has become my daily routine

My family wants to know about me
My friends wants to know about me
But why I don't know

Why should I tell them
Why they want to know
Why they can't leave me alone
Why they can't

Life has come to a standstill
I don't know
What is going​ wrong

With each passing day
I am failing in life
Except failing nothing is seen

I don't know
What is happening to me
Why it is happening
I have no answer

I have failed in Friendships
I have failed in my short term ,long term goals
I have failed in relationships

I am not able to do things
Which made me happy once
I am not able to do anything

Reading books which I loved are
Waiting for me to read them

Writing which was so dear to me
Which was my life
Waits for me everyday​

I am not able to read much
I am not able to write anything good
Better than my previous writings

I don't know
Why I am not happy
After being a Graduate

I don't want people to ask me anything
I don't want people to congratulate me
I don't want people to be around me

I want freedom
Freedom from everyone
Alone and comfortable

I have failed in love
Relationships which were nothing

I don't know
Why I am thinking so much

I want people to leave me alone
None should talk to me
None should advise me

I want to be
Free like a bird
Free like water

I don't want to be on social media
I want to leave all groups
I want to deactivate all my accounts

I want to run away from everything
I want to be at peace

Struggling with my fears
Struggling with my thoughts
Struggling with my anxieties
Struggling with my insecurities
Struggling with depression
Have made me paralysed and lifeless

Wrong decisions made
Blunders committed by me
Mistakes done
Misunderstandings created by me
Want me to save myself from myself

Nothing makes me happy
Nothing makes me angry
Nothing makes me sad

Love and care
Showered upon me by my parents
Kills me

So much love from my sister and brothers
Kills me more from inside

I don't know
Why do I feel this

I have so much to tell
But have none
I have so much to share
But have none

All are busy
My family sister and brothers
My friends

I don't want people to call me immature
I don't want people to have sympathy with me
I don't want people to call me an attention seeker
I don't want people to call me a crying baby

Everyone is there to be there with me
But not when I need them the most
Everyone says to share
But what and when none tells me

I want to have an eternal sleep
But the very thought of my family
Makes me hate myself

I have been a bad daughter
I have been a worse student
I have been the worst friend

Shattering all the hopes
So many times
Shattering the believe in me
So many times
Have made me lifeless

So lifeless that I don't want to live anymore
With people around me

I don't want people to
See me dying in every way.

Ultimate Truth

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