Monday, 15 May 2017

An Unexpected Farewell

It is evening time
She is sitting near her window
She  tries to study for her last exam which is in eighteen hours
But she can't

She tries to look through the window
She tries to look at beautiful mother nature
But she is not able to
The lovely weather outside also does not amuses her

She tries to read
Yesterday's newspaper
The Hindustan Times kept near her
But she can't

She happily goes to her bookshelf nicely placed
She takes one of  her favorite book by her favorite author
She tries to read it
But  she can't

She tries to write something great and new
She tries to write on the weather outside
She tries to write a poem
But she can't

Leaving everything as it is
She tries to sleep peacefully
She tries to sleep without any mental disturbances
But she can't

Reluctantly she gets up from her bed
She looks around her room
She sees nothing except darkness
She searches happiness and inner peace
But she can't

She ponders what's wrong with her
What she is doing
Where she is heading in life
Why she is doing

She regrets everything which she has done
She regrets everything which she hasn't
She tries to keep calm and not to think about it again
But she can't

It was all her mistake
Not listening to her family
Not listening to her few true friends
Not being a person which she once was

She feels so sad and bad
Losing one of her true friend because of her
Immature behavior
Drawing self made conclusions about her friend

Though everything is going great
Yet things are not same anymore
May be because all are busy in their own self or
May be she is over exaggerating it
May be or may not be
She doesn't know

She feels guilty of not realizing the value of time
Of not studying better
Of breaking the trust of her loved ones which they had in her
Of shattering their hopes and aspirations from her

Everything was just so great
Until she started to be like others
In impressing others she started losing her uniqueness
Losing her identity
Losing  herself completely

She feels bad very bad
For not listening to her grandmother
For not paying attention to her mother's and sister's advices
For not understanding what her friends wanted to tell her
For not paying attention to their instructions
Just because she wanted to be independent

She remember how once she wanted to go somewhere
Away from home
Away from everyone
Where she doesn't know

She recollects every minute
She recollects every hour
Of not studying
Of not making things better

She knows everything is over
All will leave her
Her academic result will change her life
Forever and ever
Whether good or bad
She doesn't know

She tries to stay motivated
She tries to fight back bravely
She tries to behave maturely
But she can't

As society is different
It changes accordingly
Like change of seasons
Hypocrisy rules the world.

She admits that it was her choice
Not to study
She doesn't blames her family for it
But herself

She knows that by doing this
She will gain nothing
She also knows that by not doing this
She will find nothing

She checks the eligibility criteria for her course
She is not able to meet it
Seeing this
She prepares herself for the expected worst

She tries to talk to her family
Who say they haven't seen her studying for eight hours
She tries to talk to her friends
They are busy

She was an introvert always
She never had a best friend in life
Whomever she thought was her best friend
She was proven wrong

She wanted someone to tell
She wanted a listener
She wanted a friend
But there was none

She knows her biggest mistake was to change herself up for others
Once she was good in studies
But then something happened
Something so worst
Leaving herself lifeless

Her mistake was thinking herself as the unique girl
Her mistake was writing
Her mistake was trying to achieve everything
Her mistake was trying to be what she is not

She  locks herself up
In a place
Away from everyone
As it was in The Lady of Shallot

She knows by doing this
She will gain nothing
She reads her quotes hundred times
But they also not  affect her

She knows fully well that society will not accept her
With passage of time
Her parents will also blame her for not scoring well
For not getting admission in prestigious university
Her family and friends too

She will become a fish out of pond
Her friends will also not be interested in meeting her
Her family too will feel the same
She will become a burden on this world
She will be left alone.

Though her parents tell her
They are with her always
Her few friends tries to cheer her up everytime
Her sister and brothers keeps her motivated

She tries to say the unsaid by her poetry
She tries to tell the world
About the ongoing battle
Yet nobody understands her

In mid of such thoughts
She sees something
She hears something
She feels something

It is her own battle
The deadly battle being fought
Between head and heart
Between strong and weak

Her mind says no marks are not everything
Her heart says yes they are no marks no life
Her mind says no
Her heart says yes

Ultimately destiny wins
Ultimately His plan works
She gets into severe depression
Resulting in unexpected .......

She goes to a peaceful sleep
She goes to a peaceful world
She goes to a happy world
She goes to her favorite place

Leaving behind many unanswered questions
Leaving behind unexplained things
Leaving herself as a weak person or a strong person
In wonder.

Life has freezed for me I have lost all  My day starts with sadness ends in depression I don't want to know what's going on ...