Friday, 18 August 2017

Right or Wrong?

It is my mistake that I thought you as my best friend

It is my mistake that I want to be your best friend

It is my mistake that I give so much importance to you

It is my mistake that I keep on ignoring my intuition

It is my mistake that I don't listen to my conscience

It is my mistake that I thought that I too can have a best friend

It is my mistake that I thought everyone is my best friend

It is my mistake that I try to be your best friend

It is my mistake that I am busy thinking about you

It is my mistake that seeing you I feel happy

It is my mistake that meeting you makes me elated

It is my mistake that I have feelings  for you

It is my mistake that I put efforts to be in your life

It is my mistake that I cry missing you

It is my mistake that I over analyse everything

It is my mistake that reading your texts emails makes me to never let you go

It is my mistake that you have only me as your best friend

It is my mistake that I forgot you have many friends better than me

It is my mistake that I miss the days spent with you

It is my mistake that I long to meet you

It is my mistake that I want to tell you about me

It is my mistake that I am not like others

It is my mistake that I can't be like others

It is my mistake that I can't afford to lose people

It is my mistake that I get emotionally attached with anyone easily

It is my mistake that I can't force people to be a best friend to me

It is my mistake that I fear losing people in my life

It is my mistake that I don't have anyone except you

It is my mistake that I don't know how to be a best friend

It is my mistake that I don't speak much

It is my mistake that I prefer listening to speaking

It is my mistake that I can't insult people to be a best friend

It is my mistake that I don't have much topics to talk on

It is my mistake that I am too shy

It is my mistake that I don't know how to make a best friend

It is my mistake that I don't share everything

It is my mistake that I don't like abusing people

It is my mistake that I don't have anyone to tag on social media

It is my mistake that I understand people

It is my mistake that I haven't been a best friend to anyone

It is my mistake that I don't know what to talk

It is my mistake that I worry for others problem

It is my mistake that I try to make everyone happy

It is my mistake that I try not to make anyone sad because of my words

It is my mistake that I am polite with everyone

It is my mistake that I believe in true friendship

It is my mistake that I can't afford to be a fake friend

It is my mistake that I want everyone to be my best friend

It is my mistake that I don't know the meaning of friendship

It is my mistake that I have failed in being a best friend

It is my mistake that I have terribly failed in making friends

It is my mistake that I have failed miserably when it comes to Friendship

It is my mistake that I don't know how to be a best friend

It is my mistake that I take everything seriously when it comes to make others happy

It is my mistake that I haven't been able to take qualities of friendship from family

It is my mistake that I think of others more than myself

It is my mistake that I am in habit of making sacrifices just to see others happy

It is my mistake that I am not yet mature enough to understand people and life

It is my mistake that I am close to none either in family or outside family

It is my mistake that I keep on doing things for everyone

It is my mistake that I don't keep grudges against anyone

It is my mistake that I can be a sweet a loving friend but can never be a best friend

It is my mistake that I fear losing people

It is my mistake that I believe in complete forgiveness

It is my mistake that I can't hate people for a reason

It is my mistake that I can't stop loving people for no reason

It is my mistake that I can't share my problems with anyone

It is my mistake that I am emotionally weak but strong enough to make others feel special

It is my mistake that I think everything

It is my mistake that at times I get irritated easily

It is my mistake that I try my level best to fit in

It is my mistake that I don't talk to many people but with whom I talk I fall for them easily

It is my mistake that I search for inspiring people

It is my mistake that I don't open up with people easily as either I lose people or myself

It is my mistake that I at times try to copy others not completely but in a way that I get emotionaly attached with them

It is my mistake that I am a very reserved kind of person

It is my mistake that I miss the old golden days

It is my mistake that I concentrate more on other things than being a best friend

It is my mistake that I try to meet people but fail on their priority list

It is my mistake that I have done nothing great for anyone

It is my mistake that I have none except HIM

It is my mistake that I believe in God as it is something which has been taught to me by maternal grandmother

It is my mistake that I can't see people struggling

It is my mistake that I am nothing to anyone especially when it comes to friends

It is my mistake that people think that I am forcing them to talk to them

It is my mistake that I can't talk about things which people like

It is my mistake that I don't have much pictures with family and friends

It is my mistake that I get serious everytime I meet someone

It is my mistake that I don't want to be with people yet I want to be

It is my mistake that I think of the things which can never happen

It is my mistake that I want to stay connected with everyone

It is my mistake that I become a clown for people when I am just sharing

It is my mistake that people laugh at me yet I forget everything

It is my mistake that I fail at expressing

It is my mistake that I do so much for people at times to answer them why I do for them

It is my mistake that I try to find HIM in every other person

It is my mistake that I can't stop caring for others

It is my mistake that I can't leave them in problems

It is my mistake that I go out of the way to help others

It is my mistake that I have lost so much in life

It is my mistake that I have lost my friends whom I thought we were best friends

It is my mistake that I forget that everyone can't be my best friend

It is my mistake that I still prefer hand written notes and letters to messages

It is my mistake that I am writing all this without having any clue why I am writing this

It is my mistake that I wasted so much time in writing this

It is my mistake that I have nothing with me

It is my mistake that I apologise often in order to save relations

It is my mistake that I am writing this at the time when I should be sleeping


Am I doing right
Am I doing wrong

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

The Last Goodbye

Having lost everything
Everyone 
Her family
Her friends

Everything 
Her hopes
Her dreams
Her talent

She sat in a park
Alone 
Wanted to go home but she can't
Wanted to go to her best and true friends house but can't

Looking here and there
Looking left and right
Looking for her life
She cried and cried

Depressed she was forever
Sad she was always
Sluggish she was always
Heartless she was never

Thinking of none
She went away from everyone
She ran away from everything
Her house Her home Her life

Things were getting worse for her
Love was no where to be found
Care was no where to be found
Peace was no where to be found

She left everything which was her life one time
Reading 
Writing
Expressing herself through her words

Researching 
Analysing
Introspecting
Herself her life she drowned in pond of depression

Cutting away herself from every way
By which people could contact her
For showing their fake love and care
Trying to be her friend

Going away from her life
Her haunting life
She left the world 
In search of a best friend

Searching for her best friend 
In everyone
Everyday know
Everyplace
Everyday

Sharing her problems
Sharing her thoughts
Was her mistake
Her biggest regret

Saying nothing
Complaining about nothing
Thanking everyone 
She left to go for
Her last journey

Wishing everyone 
Best of everything
Best of luck 
She bide her last goodbye

With a wish 
Next time she will
Find her best friend
Her true friend in her life. 

Untitled Love

Four years ago
I met you in a distant land
Happiest was I meeting you
Elated was I seeing you
You looked handsome
With red shirt describing your feelings
That day you didn't say anything
Those three magical words were
Said by your lucky red shirt
Yes it was your lucky shirt
But now it's mine too
I was better but not perfect
Yet I saw your black eyes following me
Like moon following our car
Conversations were sweet
I saw you in your best
You saw me in my worst
Though I didn't hear I Love You
But I heard the voice of your heart
Screaming so loudly
That was perhaps the best day of my life
May be of our life
Our not so romantic life but
Our innocent life

Friendship

Friendship is being there for each other
Friendship is helping each other
Friendship is caring for each other
Friendship is walking with each other
Friendship is protecting each other
Friendship is loving each other
Friendship is respecting each other
Friendship is living in each other's heart
Friendship is staying by each other's side
Friendship is guiding each other
Friendship is ignoring all the flaws of each other
Friendship is bringing happiness in each other's life
Friendship is taking all the darkness away from each other"s life
Friendship is magic
Friendship is much more than posting pictures on social media
Friendship is accepting each other
Friendship is spreading joy and happiness in each other's life
Friendship is loving each other at everytime
Friendship is nothing if it's with benefits
Friendship is innocent
Friendship is much more than Friendship bands
Friendship is enjoying  each other's company
Friendship is guiding each other what is right and what is wrong
Friendship is understanding each other
Friendship is making each other's day special
Friendship is not meeting for days and months but still nothing changes
Friendship is having a bond which never gets weak but gets Strong day by day
Friendship is having not many friends but only one friend who will never leave you
Friendship is same in sunshine
Friendship is same in rain
Friendship is same in triumph
Friendship is same in disaster
Friendship is same  in success
Friendship is same in failure
Friendship is same in everything
Friendship is pure
Friendship is innocent
Friendship is in words
Friendship is in actions
Friendship is proving your words in actions
Friendship can't be forced
Friendship can't be pushed
Friendship is one of the best gifts of the world
Friendship is being with your friend when they are need
Listening to them
Keeping their secrets secret no matter what
Friendship is making them better
Friendship is motivating your friends
Friendship is encouraging your friends
Friendship is appreciating your friends
Friendship is giving them honest views when they ask you
Friendship is beyond words
Friendship is unique in its own way

Saturday, 5 August 2017

An Adieu To You



Thank you for being with me
In every situation
In every ups and downs

Thank you for being my constant support
When nobody was there
When I had none

Thank you for being with me for so many years
For giving me a reason to live
For getting me back from every situation

Thank you for your efforts to
Make me smile
Everytime when I felt low

Thank you for making my life worth living
For being the best friends
For being unique

Thank you for giving me you
To tell you things which I can't tell anyone in this world
To be a good listener to me

Thank you for being with me all these years
Before I leave you
I thank you

I am not capable of you
But there are other people
Around you who are much better than me

Whatever may happen
You will always have a special place in my heart
My friend

I have stopped being familiar with your counterpart too
But I still now love your best friend
You both will always be with me

I am putting down my thoughts
My pen
Closing up with a smile and happy face

I will always miss you
My dear
I am not enough capable of you

Be happy
Be powerful
Be a guiding light to others
Keep going
Keep doing

Will meet you ......

Monday, 31 July 2017

Lost



O you where have you gone
Leaving me behind
With my depression

O you please come back to me
I assure you I won't disturb you
I won't

O you why have you left me
I have none
Except you

O you who knows very well that
I don't have anyone to share my feelings with
No family No friends

O you who is aware of the fact that
I have lost my best friend on 21st
I have lost everybody

Whom I thought was my best friend
Is not my best friend

I have lost everything
I have failed in life
At everything

Academically
Emotionally
Psychologically

O you please stay a little longer with me
I have failed
As a writer
As a daughter
As a sister
As a friend

Neither I have anyone
Nor I want to have
Someone

I want to live my life alone
Without any people
Without any problems

I don't have much with me
Just some books who are with me when
Nobody is there

O you don't be so rude
I know I can't be like others
I am unique

I can't live without you
I want you back in my life
I want that peace again in my life

I want innocence back
I want happiness back
I want purity back

I want the old me back
I want the serious me back
I want everything about me back

I have lost myself
I am nothing
I can be sweet caring lovely but can't be a true friend to anyone

You know I have stopped talking to anybody
I have stopped reading
U have stopped writing

I have stopped enjoying
I have stopped living
My life

I don't talk to anybody
I don't share my feelings
I don't share my problems

With anyone
Neither family nor friends
I don't do it anymore

You know very well that
Years ago
I was the most serious and reserved kind of person

I don't know what happened to me
After mid school
I started sharing things

The biggest blunder done by me
I forgot that in this world
Nobody actually cares for you

None neither your family nor your friends
I should have listened it to you
Copying others I lost myself completely

I got my best friend
After years lost her as my best friend
I came in between two besties

After some more years
I met her thought I have found my
Best friend

Again a mistake
Again came in between two besties
It was my mistake of

Finding a best friend for me
A best friend whom I can never have
You see I have again failed in Friendships too

I can't be rude to anyone
I can't insult people
I can't stop caring for them

O you please come back
Fill my world with nothing
But the innocence and purity

I am waiting for you
I am waiting for your knock at my door

With a hope that
You will come
Today or tomorrow

Thursday, 13 July 2017

Thank You

I am thankful to you for neglecting me
I am thankful to you for ignoring me
I am thankful to you for rejecting me
I am thankful to you for disowning me
I am thankful to you for leaving me
I am thankful to you for letting me go
I am thankful to you for giving me scars
I am thankful to you for making me your last priority
I am thankful to you for never replying to me
I am thankful to you for never calling me
I am thankful to you for never giving me freedom
I am thankful to you for never letting me do what I wanted
I am thankful to you for never asking me anything
I am thankful to you for never loving me
I am thankful to you for never bringing my favourite book
I am thankful to you for never supporting me
I am thankful to you for never encouraging me
I am thankful to you for never motivating me
I am thankful to you for never allowing me to have friends
I am thankful to you for never letting be myself
I am thankful to you for making me what I am today
I am thankful to you for making me different from rest of the crowd
I am thankful to you for making me independent
I am thankful to you for making me a rational person
I am thankful to you for making me a logical thinker
I am thankful to you for making me a heartless creature
I am thankful to you for making me a busy person where there is no place for emotions
I am thankful to you for making myself support system
I am thankful to you for making me self caring
I am thankful to you for making me bold to celebrate all my victories alone
I am thankful to you for making me a unique girl
I am thankful to you for making me a self introspector
I am thankful to you for making me proud of myself
I am thankful to you for making me ready to take my decisions alone
I am thankful to you for making me learn from my mistakes
I am thankful to you for making me enough capable to know where I am going wrong
I am thankful to you for making me ready to enjoy without friends
I am thankful to you for making me feel good everytime I fell or failed
I am thankful to you for making me face the harsh truths of life
I am thankful to you for making me confident of living life alone
I am thankful to you for making me understand there is no true friend in life
I am thankful to you for not being there when I needed you the most
I am thankful to you for making me fight with this world alone
I am thankful to you for telling me never to have hopes and expectations from anyone
I am thankful to you for making me understand those who want to stay will stay
I am thankful to you for making me understand those who want to stay connected will be connected irrespective of being busy
I am thankful to you for making me understand that priority is a big thing
I am thankful to you for giving me ingredients to survive in this world alone happy and glee

Friends Forever



You are my friend
Success said to Failure
So you are
Failure replied

Success promised failure
To be with him always
At every point of life
To never leave failure

Failure was rejoiced to
know about it
Failure too promised success
To be with him
To never leave him

One night
Success and Failure were
chatting on a beach

Failure asked success
Will you be with me always
Will you never leave me

Success calmly replied
Yes I will be there
With you
For you
Forever

Failure got happy to know this
Failure thought yes now I too have a best friend
My true friend
Whom I was searching for years

Failure forgot that
Success already had best friend with initials H

Failure wanted to be friends with her
Always


Again the next day
They were chatting
On a hill

Failure again asked him the same question
Success again replied him patiently

Success said to Failure
He can always share things with him
Anything anywhere

Failure was on cloud nine
Getting to know about this
Failure was very happy
Failure was elated as always

Again the next day
Both were sitting
Near the green fields

Failure again asked him his question
Success now replied just with a word hmm

From that day onwards
They stopped meeting
They stopped talking to each other

After some days
Failure asked pardon from Success
Failure didn't want to let him lose

Again started talking
After some time
Again failure did something
Success got upset

Failure stopped talking to him
Once success was near failures home
Success wanted to meet him
But couldn't

Getting to know about this
Failure was upset
Failure was sad
Failure was in a bad mood

Success got to know about this
Success talked to him
Failure was again happy

After some days
Success had to go far away for some days
Failure hoped success would try to contact him

Success got busy
Failure thought
Before going they would meet and
Everything will be better

Success got so busy that
Success told him
He wouldn't be able to
Meet him this time too
Before going

Failure was heartbroken
Why he didn't know
Failure wrote something for him
Failure waited for
Reply of success
Failure waited and waited
Success got busy and busy

That day
It rained heavily
Failure wanted to meet
Success but wasn't able to

That day
Failure  asked him the same question
Success didn't reply to his question

Failure again asked him
Success got annoyed
Success didn't utter a word
Success didn't want to be rude

Failure kept on asking
Success got angry
Without saying anything
Success walked away
From there

Failure was heartbroken
So was Success
Failure thought never to talk with
Success

Failure wrote a poem on Success
Without understanding
Success

Failure was in great pain
Failure was sad
Very sad
Thinking of him

Success always forgave Failure
Success always understood Failure

Failure was upset
Success wanted failure to be mature

Failure replayed
Time spent with
Success in his mind

Failure was in a bad mood
Success had no time to think about all this

Failure left
With tears in his eyes

It rained heavily
Success and Failure
Both were drenched in rain water


Failure was dying
Failure was there waiting for him to help
Success saw him helplessly
Success left him there

Failure thought
Life was over
It's time to say goodbye

Failure cried and cried
Failure lamented
Being friends with success

Failure accused him
Of breaking his promise
Made by Success
Everytime he asked her

Failure saw the
World turning white
In front of his eyes
World coming to an end

Just then
He saw him
He saw Success
Coming with help

After some time
Failure was saved by
Success

Failure was sad to think pessimistically
About his friend
About his best friend
About his true friend

Failure started crying
Failure was broken
Success came
Lifted him up
Made her smile

Success told failure
It was not his fault
He wrote his true feelings
He wrote what he thought

Success said to Failure
I am with you always
At every place
At every time

Success asked Failure
Will you be my friend always
Will you be with me always
Will you be there for me
always
Will you be my heartbeat
always
Will you never leave me
Never and ever

Failure in tears replied
Yes I am with you
I will be with you
I will never leave you

Success and
Failure
Both cried together that day

That day
Both realised
Each other's importance
Love for each other
Unbreakable bond

Got to know
The biggest truth


Success said to failure
I am nothing without you
Failure replied
I am also nothing without you

Success said to failure
I am always there for you no matter what happens
Failure replied
I am also there for you

Success said
You and I will always remain good friends
Failure replied
Yes we will

From that day onwards
Success and Failure both have been
Best friends forever


They both are a team
They both are dependent on each other
They can't survive alone

In the end
Both join hands
To bring out the best

Without Failure
Success can't be achieved
Without success
Failure can't be experienced.

Friday, 23 June 2017

Biding Farewell

Sitting silently in my room
With music playing in my phone
Ears covered with  headphones
Waiting for sleep to come
I sat there

Listening to my favorite songs
On repeat mode
Humming them
I sat there

Remembering some happy days of my life
Moments spent with my loved ones
Memories made to cherish always
I sat there

Writing my bucket list
Adding more and more to it
Without giving a damn to anything
I sat there

Keeping my phone aside
Removing my headphones
Trying to sleep
I lay there

Rain pouring down
Rain of tears
Rolling down my cheeks
I lay there

Seeing the photos
Looking at them
With mixed feelings
I lay there

Reading the old texts
Reading the old mails
Exchanged with my people
I lay there

Watching them scoring new heights
Hoping for a better tomorrow
Seeing them smile
I lay there

Hoping for a better world for me
Drenched in sweat of sadness
Waiting for the sunshine
I lay there

Hearing the music of the weather
Pit-patter drops of rain
Falling on my room's roof
I lay there

Quietly I move out of my room
To feel the rain
To be a kid again
I stood there

Feeling the rain water
In my hands
I stood there

Nothing is going as expected
Nothing seems to be better
Waiting for the right moment
I stood there

Going no where in life
Yet with a happy face
Waiting for things to be normal
I stood there

Lost in my own pessimistic thoughts
Lost in my own  depressed world
I forgot
Someone patting on my shoulders

To my utter surprise
It was the rain
Drenching everything

Moving closely to me
Rain talked to me
About her life

How she is cursed by many
For being on time
For being late

How children wait for her
Forgetting everything
Seeing her

How mature and adult people
Try to save them from her
Deep down want to get drenched in rain

How couples madly in love
Celebrate her coming
Holding each other hands tight

How suddenly the other people
Never leave a stone unturned to her
Complain her of coming at the wrong time

How weather becomes pleasant
Seeing people enjoy so much
Having their best time

She feels good
She feels great
She feels privileged

To bring a smile on their faces
To give them happiness
To soothe them emotionally

She tells me
She shares with me
Her life

Her sadness
The world is ignorant of
Her pain
The world is ignorant of

Sadness of leaving her home
Her magnificient empire
Her beautiful home
The Sky

Pain of losing her friends
Pain of breaking of her bond
Pain of going away from her friends

Friends who are always with her
Holding her tightly
Caring for her

Being there for her
Whenever she wants to
Sharing so much with her friends

Her friends who are divided by their shapes
Yet united by their work
Her friends
Clouds

She was feeling low
The pain of losing the touch
Of her mother nature

She feels sad to go away from
Her friends
Clouds

She tells that when her friends are sad
When they feel low
They cry
They cry a lot

And sends her to us
The rain which we see
Are her friends tears

When they can't hold on for much time
They just let it go as HIS will
And she starts pouring from above

She sees her friends for the last time
Before she starts her journey
They prepare her for her flight

Lightning​ and thunderstorms
Helped by the wind
They collide with each other

Supporting her as always
The voice which is so loud
It is actually the screaming of the clouds
Crying for help

Helplessly they collide with each other
Sending her to us
Making us happy

HE sees all this
With HIS little angel
Smiling

HE knows well
Feeling her
Children will be the happiest
Catching her
They try to hold her in their tiny hands

HE sees her
With his another  angel
Heavenly

Youth is engrossed in feeling rain
Getting drenched
Sitting silently
Having a good time

Seen by people
They are thrashed by them
For being in love
A sin for them

Finally he sees her girl
Taking her last breath
Looking at him
Heavenly in love
HIS angel standing there
Taking her to heaven

HE sees all this
With his angel
Elderly

An old couple seeing them together in love
For the last ninety years
Setting an example for others

Having tea
Remembering their old days
Yet golden days of life
Their college days

Seeing how life has changed
Over the years
How everything has changed
Yet nothing

Love becoming strong
Day by day
Togetherness flowing always

This time HIS angel
Appears in a form of HIS creation
A girl crying

Seeing her cry
They ask her
Tells them which is best for her

The girl vanishes into thin air
Never ending
Elderly  love

Telling me all this
She cries a lot
Seeing her cry

I introspect myself
What I had was the greatest treasure
What I lost was meant to be

In complicating my life
I am losing which I have at present
My family
My friends
My people

Who have been with me
Who are with me
Who will be with me always

I remember his words
I remember him
With sadness engulfing me

I cry for him everyday
I miss him everyday
Meeting him for once

Not only me but our whole family
Misses him everyday
In happiness
In sadness

She picks me up
She makes me calm down
She reveals her coming

She tells me all this
She has been sent by him
...........Three years ago

She told me
Reading my mind
He sent her

To tell me not to feel low
To take care of our family
To congratulate me on achieving new heights

To remember his teachings
To remember he is always there for us

To tell me that he is always there with us
With us everywhere
Seeing us
Remembering us from his new home

With HIM living peacefully
Helping us in every way possible
Seeing us happy is his happiest day

Telling me this
It stopped raining
With a rainbow for the first time of eight colours
Eighth colour was white
Symbolising peace

With a sunshine
Reaching my face
Penetrating into my skin

He with HIM smiling at me
Wishing us best in life
I stood there with a big smile
Waving at the sky

Looking at ........ photos
With a smile on my face
Remembering the best days spent


I came inside my room
Sleep coming to me
I slept with happiness in my eyes

To welcome a new day in my life
To welcome a new chapter in my life
With saying hello to my life
Biding my lost life a farewell.


















Monday, 19 June 2017

Dying Me

Weeping always
Crying for hours
Having sleepless nights
Has become my daily routine

My family wants to know about me
My friends wants to know about me
But why I don't know

Why should I tell them
Why they want to know
Why they can't leave me alone
Why they can't

Life has come to a standstill
I don't know
What is going​ wrong

With each passing day
I am failing in life
Except failing nothing is seen

I don't know
What is happening to me
Why it is happening
I have no answer

I have failed in Friendships
I have failed in my short term ,long term goals
I have failed in relationships

I am not able to do things
Which made me happy once
I am not able to do anything

Reading books which I loved are
Waiting for me to read them

Writing which was so dear to me
Which was my life
Waits for me everyday​

I am not able to read much
I am not able to write anything good
Better than my previous writings

I don't know
Why I am not happy
After being a Graduate

I don't want people to ask me anything
I don't want people to congratulate me
I don't want people to be around me

I want freedom
Freedom from everyone
Alone and comfortable

I have failed in love
Relationships which were nothing

I don't know
Why I am thinking so much

I want people to leave me alone
None should talk to me
None should advise me

I want to be
Free like a bird
Free like water

I don't want to be on social media
I want to leave all groups
I want to deactivate all my accounts

I want to run away from everything
I want to be at peace

Struggling with my fears
Struggling with my thoughts
Struggling with my anxieties
Struggling with my insecurities
Struggling with depression
Have made me paralysed and lifeless


Regrets
Wrong decisions made
Blunders committed by me
Mistakes done
Misunderstandings created by me
Want me to save myself from myself


Nothing makes me happy
Nothing makes me angry
Nothing makes me sad

Love and care
Showered upon me by my parents
Kills me

So much love from my sister and brothers
Kills me more from inside

I don't know
Why do I feel this

I have so much to tell
But have none
I have so much to share
But have none

All are busy
My family sister and brothers
My friends

I don't want people to call me immature
I don't want people to have sympathy with me
I don't want people to call me an attention seeker
I don't want people to call me a crying baby

Everyone is there to be there with me
But not when I need them the most
Everyone says to share
But what and when none tells me

I want to have an eternal sleep
But the very thought of my family
Makes me hate myself

I have been a bad daughter
I have been a worse student
I have been the worst friend

Shattering all the hopes
So many times
Shattering the believe in me
So many times
Have made me lifeless

So lifeless that I don't want to live anymore
With people around me

I don't want people to
See me dying in every way.







Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Old Man

Yesterday I saw him
In bus
Sitting in front of me
With a cheerful smile on his face

Never  had I thought
I will be seeing him again
Around so many people
He was still the same
As he was years ago

I did wanted to have a talk with him
To relive moments shared with him
In the same city

City which never sleeps
City of dreams
City where weather can't be predicted
City where nothing​ is impossible
Mumbai city

I heard his voice after years
Soothing my ears
After so many years
Every word reaching to my heart

I wanted to ask​
Facing him was difficult
Asking about him was more difficult

I remained seated on my seat
Tried not to see him
Covering myself up with a stroll
To be overlooked by him

He got down from the bus
At the next stop
Still smiling

Puzzled I was
Seeing him
Sitting in the bus

I was looking here and there
I was confused
At the same time was curious

I was wondering
What was he doing
Why he was there

I wanted to know the reason
I wanted to ask him why he was doing so

I asked about him
From the people sitting in bus
I was dumb for a second to know the reason

They told me
The reason
Why he was doing so

He was doing
Something so natural
Something so pure

He was selling
Selling books and magazines
To earn for his old man

To earn livelihood
Not for him but for the old man
Who was struggling for life

I remembered
Earlier once he had told me
About his old man


He was brought up by the old man
For him he was more than a father
For him he was his mother

His parents were busy in setting up their business
An empire for him
For establishing their dream
He was taken care by his old man

I remembered during school days too
I had seen the old man more than his parents
Old man came to every function held in our school
Parents Talk or annual function or sports day
He was always there with him

People sitting beside me
Were talking about him
Were praising him for doing such a noble deed

People told me
They have been seeing him for the last six months
Selling books and magazines for his old man

I remembered that
It was exactly six months ago
I wanted to meet him but he had declined

He had told me
He was busy
Going for some important work
Away from his house

I realised
What a person he is
I wanted to meet him then and there

I didn't wanted to meet him there
For obvious reasons

I tried to ask people about his house
The people told me the directions to reach
Without thinking for a moment
I started to walk

After about twenty minutes
I reached to a place
Covered with darkness
Having no electricity there

I was terrified
I turned on my phone's torch
I searched for him

Yes there was he
Giving medicine to the old man
Standing with a glass of water

I was there
Standing outside the half opened door
Thinking of him and his old man

I called his name
He was there asking who is it?

  • Waiting for a reply


I didn't told him
My name
Who I was

I told him
I was a distant relative of the old man
Have come to see him

He welcomed me in
I entered the room slowly
I took a quick glance of the room

There was a small table
Creaking bed
Torn curtains of black colour
A small box
Books neatly kept
Black and white photographs pasted on the wall
A small candle trying to save from the wind blowing
Big box of medicines kept
Labelled with expiry date
Some steel utensils
A broken mirror hung up on a wall

He offered me a glass of water and went out to buy something
I took it
I sat down beside old man

I talked to him about the things
Which made him happy
I listened to him patiently

As I was about to leave
The street light peeped in
He was there watching me carefully

I hurried
Hardly had I reached to the door then
He called my name

There was I standing there
Like a kid who has been caught playing in the sun

Yes he had recognised me
I had visited his house often
He remembered me

I was there
Watching him with moistened eyes
Eyes welled up

He came in with a bag in his hands
He was there still
He looked at me
I looked at him

He called me in
I asked him why he hadn't told me before
He calmed me down

He and the old man together
Told me the whole thing
How his empire turned into a house with no walls

How his parents
Were diagnosed with diabetes
Turning into cancer

Within no time
He lost his parents
His mother died of diabetes
His father died of cancer

His world came to an end
Have seen so much
He was disowned from his home by close people

He was crying in pain
Pain which is not understood by anyone
Except the sufferer

How the old man
Calmed him down
Saved him
In no time they left their place to move in here you


Promising him not to leave him
Alone
I came out of the room
With tears in my eyes and smile on my face​.






Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Untitled

Nothing is going right
Nothing is going as expected
Nothing is getting better

I am here
Writing this
At the time when I should be sleeping

I am here
Sitting in my messed up roo
With my messed up hair

I see my life
All messed up like my room

I see the end is near
Waiting for me
To come unanounced

Having so many people
Having so many social networks
Facebook friends more than fifty
WhatsApp contacts more than hundred
Having so many friends

Yet no one to share
Anything or
Everything

 I am here
Again thinking
Analysing my life

I am here
Thinking negatively again
May be overthinking

I divert myself from thinking
Yet I think things which I shouldn't​
I remember the lost me

I  long to have a friend
With whom I can talk to
With whom I can share my feelings

I  know I can easily share my thoughts
I  can easily tell them about my feelings
I  can go and tell this to my parents
My brothers
My sister
My good family

But I don't want to tell them
They will get worried
Much worried

I don't want to let them know about me dying within
Me going from depression since the last ten months
I have already made them sad

They have faced a lot because of me
They have failed because of me
They have lost their good child because of me

I  have been like an ill omen bird
I  have been like a thorn to them
I  have been like a sour grapes for them

Yet they have done everything for me
Yet they have loved me more
Yet they have cared for me so much
May be their love is like this only
No complaints no demands

I do remember when I wasn't able to be a doctor
They didn't said a word
Respected my interest and decision to do something other than doctor or engineering

I  see my treasures of life
I see the bird sitting on a tree
Yet I fail to control my cerebrum

I get lost in my world
To be again
Disturbed by my own thoughts

I don't know
From where
The war between heart and mind
Comes into action

Not giving me time to think
No time for me
By me

Making me silent
Making me quiet
They start

Heart says
Not to make their life tough because of you
Mind whispers
To go and tell them as they are your family

The constant battle
Makes me uncomfortable
I want to be free
From this endless war

I want to be crystal clear
I don't  want things to be perfect
I want things to be better

I know things will be better
With time
With patience

Till then
I have to keep going
I have to keep moving
Slowly and steadily

I have failed so much in life
I failed at everything

I have failed Friendships
I have failed relationships
I have failed academically

Not once but thrice
Failed emotionally
Failed physchologically
Failed physically
Failed mentally

Failed in my dreams
Failed in my aims
Failed in my aspirations

Failed in keeping up to their expectations
Failed in keeping up to promises
Failed in keeping up to his last wish

Passionately I have failed
Professionally I have failed

I have failed
As a writer
As a poet
As a story teller
As a quote writer
As a novelist

 I have cried so much
I cry every night
I cry every day

When all are sleeping
My eyes get welled up
Tears falling down

I check my phone
To see if someone is available to listen to me
I see many people online

Elated to share my feelings
Or may be to be laughed at
I check my contacts

I get ready to share my feelings
I type the whole message taking minutes
To be deleted within seconds by me

Remembering that I don't have friends
Friends are busy
Friends are doing well in their life

Why someone will want to listen to
A crying baby like me
When they have other important things to do

Why would anyone listen to me
When everyone is going through daily struggles
When everyone is having so many problems in life

I don't know
Why I fear losing people
When I want to be alone in life

Why I want to share
When I know nobody cares for me
May be because of human nature

I have been popular
Popular among family and friends
For being an immature person


An attention seeker
A sympathy gainer
An annoyer
A person who forces to be talked to

Moreover everyone is alone
Here
Alone and aloof

I don't cry
In front of others
Only people whom I trust

I have came a long way
From the darkness all around
I have found sunshine in my life.

Yes I have failed many times
I have failed miserably
I have been a failure

Yet
I am happy
You know why?

Because I have realised my mistakes
I have known my self worth
I have experienced so much in so little time

I have done nothing
Yet everything

I have never been on world tour
Yet experienced

I have  been not  very intelligent
Yet happy

I have never been in love
Yet have felt what it's to be in love

I have never​ been friends for much time
Yet have been friends with the best

I have never been successful
Yet have seen what are the challenges

I have never been to places
Yet have travelled

I have never topped
Yet have seen at the top

I have never received acknowledgement
Yet have written

With the dusk coming in my life
Dawn fading with each passing day
I have lived too much

I don't have anyone to tell
Yet have told things to many people
Have told them things with quite chuckle

I have been silent for years
Yet have said things to you
You know who all are you

Now
Let me spend my days in peace
Days that will become memories for you

I see my writings
Going away from me
To welcome something grand

Keep reading my writings
Until you see my next writing
It's​ up to you either to wait or to move on

I will be there
To keep making this world a happy place
Till then I will miss you all
Again I don't know why

We will meet somewhere
After years
Many years
It will be a fairy tale to meet you all

Writings which you have read
Writings you haven't read
Writings you liked
Writings you hated
Writings you loved
Writings you cursed
Writings you thought were inappropriate
Writings you just had a look
Writings you were bored
Writings you never opened to read
Writings you never read
Writings you were uncomfortable
Writings you thought were confusing
Writings you deleted
Writings you never gave a damn to
Writings which have made you chuckle
Writings which have made you emotional

Let me walk
Let me feel the world
Let me see the world.









Monday, 12 June 2017

Who Am I

Everyone is sleeping
Peacefully
In their rooms

She is here waiting for sleep to come
She tries to sleep
She can't

Silently she moves out of her room
Silently she opens herself
In her balcony under the night sky

Looking at the sky
She wonders
What is there

With her thoughts running in her mind
She listens to the voices
Screaming within her

She sat there
Waiting for dawn
Sunlight to reach her soul

Instead of enjoying
The silence of the night sky
She overthinks

She is happy outwardly for the outer world
For people whom she comes across as
She cant tell them about her
Going through her bad days as told to her by someone special


Inwardly she is not at all happy
Inside
She is struggling

Struggling with insecurities
Struggling with anxieties
Struggling with depression
Struggling with fear

She remembers the beautiful moments
Memories being displayed in her mind
In a flashback

Years ago
She was happy
She was not the same person as she is today

She was a person with dreams
Aiming high
Working hard

With the each year passing by
With each celebrated birthday
Somewhere life faded away

With childhood leaving her
Innocence too was carried away
Without saying a goodbye

The years came one by one
In no time puberty too set in
Making her a teenager

An age when she was different from others
An introvert age for her
An age where she had faced much

She was not like others
She was unknown by herself
She was unique

Where others used to enjoy hanging out with friends
She used to enjoy in her own room
Reading books
Writing her heart out on a piece of paper

Where others used to be in relationships
She used to be struggling
To introduce herself

When others were going through a heartbreak
She was struggling
To get a book for her

When others used to hide things from parents
She was there
Telling them each and every thing

When others used to have best friends in school
She was there
Always aloof and alone

When others were busy making memories with their friends
She was there
With her brothers and sister

When others used to chided by parents for not helping them out
She was there
Helping her family in all household chores

When others used to have night talks
She was there
Sleeping by eight o clock to get up at five o clock

When others were living their best days of life
She was there
Studying for hours

When others were breaking rules
She was there
Following her timetable sincerely made by her sister

When others used to watch movies
She used to watch
Ramayana Mahabharata with her grandmother

When others used to play sports
She was there
Learning to ride a cycle by her brothers

When others were busy in watching t.v.
She was there
Busy watching nature

For being like this
Unique
She was abandoned by many

She remembered​
Many people ignoring her
Neglecting her
calling her coward  lifeless and abnormal

Years later
Something happened to her
God knows what
She started to be like others

Being a bold and confident person which she never was
In front of others
She lost herself
Her originality
Her innocence
Her patience
Her uniqueness
Her seriousness
Her sincerity
Her duties
Her responsibilities
Towards her family
Towards her life

Trying to fit in their world
She was carried away from her own happy world
A world where she could never get back
After losing her completely

While  being a person who is loved by everyone
Teachers
Friends
She lost all her kindness
She lost her inner peace and happiness

Seeing others
She also started to enjoy life
She stopped helping her family
stopped telling them things
stopped studying as before sincerely
stopped watching Epics

When others were setting in adulthood
She was setting in her teenage years
Things which they had done in their teenage
She was doing in her adulthood

After so many years
Looking back
She realised​ what she has lost
Dreams  shattered by her

When she was mature before her age
Others were not
When others matured
She was still in her teenage years

Physically
Mentally
Psychologically
Emotionaly

What she should have done in her teenage years
She did now
When others want her to be responsible
To be independent
To be a lady with a class

She don't have much
Not many friends
Not many people
Not many memories

Have lost so much in life
Before starting a new life
Life has faded away from herself

She never had any complaints
She never demanded anything from anyone
Not from her parents even

Now when she wants to talk with people
Doing silly things
They want her to be mature

Life was good
When she was alone
Happy in her own  world

Away from all this
Away from negativity

Things became worse
When she wanted to be free from herself
Wanted to be with others

In changing herself
For others
She changed forever and ever

Now she realised that
She was going right
She was doing well

It was her blunder
To be liked by others
To be loved by others
Others who never wanted her in their life

She thought that may be
Something was wrong with her
Something was missing in her
Her attitude towards others
Her friends
Her family

She doesn't have many friends
No friends
To share everything
Good or bad

Looking at the night sky
She questioned herself
Who Am I.

She cried and cried
Why she didn't knew

She cried all night
Her health detoriared badly
She thought so much that she was suffering
From depression

She didn't saw any hopes to live
She wanted to run away
Where she didn't knew

With sunlight touching her gloomy face
She told herself
To rise above everything
To go and kiss the world

A world where she was happy
A world where she was contented
A world where she was at peace
Her own world

With sun giving light to others
Gave her the zeal to succeed
Gave her strength to move on
Gave her gift of innocence

With these thoughts
Dark night faded away
To welcome the new light
Which was to be felt by her

She stood up
To welcome herself
Lost somewhere years back.






















Thursday, 8 June 2017

An Adieu To You

Today she has gone
She said looking at me
Tears falling down
Eyes welled up
Grief seen in her eyes

Without saying a goodbye
Without meeting me
Without having a last talk
Without saying anything

She has  gone so far
She has gone very far
She has gone away from me
She has gone forever and ever

It was the hot summery afternoon
Everyone was talking about her
Everyone wanted to meet her
The new student
Everyone wished to have a talk with her

I too wanted to meet her
I wanted to have a talk with her
I wanted to hear about her
I wanted to hear from her
Yet wasn't able to do so
Because of my introvert nature

I saw her
From a distance
She was getting​ social with everyone
I was busy watching her

I saw her
Her glowing face
Her neatly combed black hairs
Her eyes so black
Her innocent smile

I saw her
Waiting for her
To hear a word from her
To hear her melodious voice
To start a conversation with her

That was for the first time
I talked to her
I do remember each and every word
I remember everything
Clearly like water

Days passed by
I started talking to her
I took her number
Saved it in my contacts

Talking to her
I forgot that
I was again coming  in between two best friends
I thought I was ruining Friendship of others again

I thought not to talk to her
I thought to be practical
Yet I failed
I wanted to talk
My mind said no
My heart said yes

After some years
Everything changed
Classes changed
Streams changed

With that
Aims changed
Aspirations changed
Dreams changed
Careers changed

She was still the same
As she was some years​ back

 I wanted to tell her many things
Yet I couldn't
I wanted to say her so much
Yet I couldn't
I wanted to show her my writings
Yet I couldn't

I had lost my so called other
Best friend
I wanted to talk to her
But what I didn't knew

Technology was a saviour for me
Again I was in touch with her
Again I started talking to her
Again I started to tell her irrelevant stuff
Again I started to share everything
Again I started to share my feelings with her

Blunders done by me
Mistakes commited by me
Made things like a puzzle


Because of me
I ruined her friendship
Again
I am without true friends
Waiting for my friend to come back
I am still waiting for her
 To see my friend

I know​ I was wrong
It was me who took her for granted
It was me who was not a good friend
It was me who spoilt such a lovely bond
Of Friendship

She always forgave me
For behaving immaturely
For not understanding her
For not listening to her

She always gave me so many chances
To be better
To improve
To behave

She is the gem
Which I have lost
Lost because of me
Only me

I  thank her
For everything
For each and everything done by her
For tolerating me
For making me better
For teaching me so much
To value relationships​
To value people.

Saying these lines
She went
Where ? Why?
Nobody knows.









Saturday, 3 June 2017

A Peaceful Sleep

Nothing is left in me
Nothing is there in me
I am just a piece of flesh
I dont know
What is happening with me
Why I am losing everything
Things are leaving on a bad note
I am there figuring out what is wrong
I have lost so much
I have nothing left in me
Except
Broken Friendships
Broken heart
Broken relationships
I dont know
Will anybody accept me
Will my family accept me
Will my friends accept me
Will my world accept me
I am harming myself everyday
I want to stop all this
I try to end all this
I try to run from all this
I know
I was at the fault
It was my mistakes
It was my blunders
It was my immaturity
It was my sin

I have done nothing for my family
I have achieved nothing in life
I have not made my brothers dream come true
I have not made my sister proud of me
I have never been good at anything
I have never did something for them
I have never made my friends happy
I have done nothing for anyone

Thinking all this
I am going no where
I try to write about it
I try to read about it
I am regretting everything
Everytime

Everyday I don't like to wake up
I don't like to go anywhere
I don't want to read
I don't want to write
I don't want to be in this world
I don't want to face my parents
I don't want to face my sister
I don't want to face my brothers
I don't want to face my friends
Yet I want to be with them
To spend time with them
To talk to them
Nights are my friends
In night I cry to my heart contents
Without any fear of being caught

I thought that nobody will be there with me
I thought that nobody will be there for me
It was foolish of me to think like this

With these thoughts
I am going to find a peaceful sleep
Let me sleep peacefully.





Friday, 2 June 2017

A Letter To You With Love

In few days  you will be going very far to start a new life for which I am happy for you. You will be meeting new people from new places with new backgrounds.You will be starting your new life with new hopes new challenges new aspiration new ambitions new things new dawn .Here I will be waiting for your message for your one call to hear from you.I will be reading your messages again and again.I will be longing to wait for you.Looking forward to meet you.I won't annoy you. I won't disturb you.You won't get disturbed by my useless messages.You won't get a call from me at anytime whether day or night.Here I will be struggling to get out of my depression.I will be struggling how to deal with life.You won't be here to listen to me to listen to my problems to give me one of the best advice.You won't be here to guide me to motivate me to tell me to chide me at times to tell me how to be serious to tell me what's best for me to be independent to do things which will help me to help me to get out of my daydreaming to get out of my dilemma.You won't be here to mprove me to make me better.That does not means that I will be idle.Years ago I met you on this lonely island of life.At that time I didn't knew that I will be so close to you.I may not talk to you about other things yet I talk to you.Wherever you might be you will keep inspiring me to be a better person in Life. I   will be here missing you very much.I will be waiting for your text and calls. I don't know what will happen in future will we be connected with each other or not but yes I have learnt so much from you.I have learnt many great things from you.I have learnt what to say and what not to say.What to write what not to write whom to tell whom not to tell. Now I know the meaning of the saying A man is judged by the company he keeps. I don't know do you also feel the same as I feel about you.Its okay we can't and also we shouldn't force anyone to feel for us as the way we think about others.I just want to say sorry for not keeping up my promise. I am sorry for not understanding you. I am sorry for not listening to you. I am sorry for taking you for granted.Whenever you wanted to tell me something I turned a deaf ear for which I am sorry. I am sorry for making conclusions myself about you when you were just being practically.I was thinking from heart you were thinking from mind.I am sorry for being selfish at times for not letting you concentrate at your studies.I just value you.In fear of losing you from my life I lost you forever and ever. In trying to stay connected with you I lost you unknowingly and unintentionally.Sorry I can't say this to you in person. I don't know why infront of you I become blank.I want to say so much yet seeing you I become dumbstruck and blank. I don't know why I am doing this some have started to say that I am addicted to you and also obsessed with you.I don't know why they say like this.May be they are right but they don't know about the difficulties of being an introvert person then getting such nice person and then losing them because of one's mistakes and blunders which no body does such immature things. I have never been so close to anyone except for my family and my sister. I don't want to have sympathy. I do know after reading this many will make fun of me will laugh at me.It is okay to think like this.I just want to thank you and wish you the best for your future.Go and achieve new heights.

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Let me

Let me enjoy
The beauty of the silent night
Before morning comes

Let me hear
The roar of the sky
Before weather gets fine

Let me feel
The chilly wind over my face
Before wind stops blowing

Let me listen
The voice of my heart
Before others tell me

Let me see
The snowy​ mountains
Before the rays of the sun reach

Let me watch
The best things of the world
Before they get extinct

Let me visit
The most interesting places of the world
Before life gets tough

Let me experience
The view of the sea
Before tide comes in between

Let me travel
The whole world
Before I get old and weak

Let me know
The truth of the life
Before the carriage arrives

Let me think
The best moments spent with you
Before they are gone

Let me remember
The amazing memories made with you
Before connection is lost

Let me write
The importance of you in my life
Before time

Let me tell
The untold stories about me
Before I forget them

Let me share
The unshared secrets with you
Before they are just secrets

Let me change
The way of the thinking
Before the dusky clouds come in view

Let me make
The world a better place to live in
Before world becomes hell

Let me enjoy
The solitude of my life
Before others interfere

Let me save
The innocence
Before maturity creeps in

Let me speak
The feelings of my heart
Before they get locked in my mind forever and ever

Let me bring
The joys of the world
Before sorrows rule the world

Let me learn
The meaning of Life
Before it is taken away by God

Let me live
The awesome gift of Him
Before I am carried away.

Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Meet Me

Meet me my friend
Meet me my good  friend
Once before you go

Meet me my friend
Meet me my good old friend
Once before you go far away

Meet me my friend
For I will miss you
Everyday

Meet me my friend
For I will wait for you
Everyday

Meet me my friend
For I will long to hear from you
Everyday

Meet me my friend
For I can't wait for you
Everyday

Meet me my friend
For I won't make you sad
Anyway

Meet me my friend
For I won't let you break down
Anyway

Meet me my friend
For I won't disturb you
Anyway

Meet me my friend
For I won't let you down
Anyway

Meet me my friend
For you won't be able to meet me again
Everytime

Meet me my friend
For you won't be free to meet me
Everytime

Meet me my friend
For you won't see me
Everytime

Meet me my friend
For you won't be able to hear from me
Everytime

Meet me my friend
For you will not be understood by
Everyone

Meet me my friend
For you won't be able to believe
Everyone

Meet me my friend
For you won't be busy for
Everyone

Meet me my friend
For you won't be able to ignore
Everyone

Meet me my friend
For I will visit
Everyplace

Meet me my friend
For I can see you at
Everyplace

Meet me my friend
For I will make happiness for you at
Everyplace

Meet me my friend
For I will be there for you at
Everyplace

Meet me my friend
Before we apart
Forever and ever

Meet me my friend
Before we step into this
Real world

Meet me my friend
As the days spent
Will never come back

Meet me my friend
Before maturity creeps in
Taking away our innocence

Meet me my friend
Before adulthood creeps in
Taking away our childless

Meet me my friend
Before I get accustomed to
Ignorance

Meet me my friend
Before you go far away
Very far

Meet me my friend
Before end is
Near

But it's okay
For I understand that you are busy
You don't have much time
You don't have enough time
You are going to start a new phase of your life

A new chapter is waiting for you
A new life is waiting for you
A new dawn is waiting for you
A new day is waiting for you

You are going to be my good friend always
You are a gem for me
You are always​ with me in my mind
You are always with me in my prayers

I wish you good for your future
Go and live your dream
Your life

Stay connected
Stay Happy
Wherever you might go
Wherever you might live.


Monday, 29 May 2017

As You Like It

Everything has changed
So dramatically
So drastically

There is nothing left in me
I have lost all hopes
I have lost everything

The dreams which
I had
I have seen

The ambitions which
I had
The aspirations which
I had

I don't see any scope
To live
To live for a better living

I cry and cry
I don't know
Why

I want to cry and cry
The whole day
The reason
I don't know

I don't know
Where I am going
Where I am heading in life

I want to flee
Where
I don't know

I want to run
Where
I don't know

The thought of failing in life
Kills me more
Within

I try to concentrate
I can't
I try to go away far
I can't

I see my life
Breaking into pieces
Infront of me

The very thought of
Doing nothing great
In academics
In any other field
Makes me mad

I know
It was my choice
It was my idea

I have so many
Regrets and Failures
In life

I know
It was my mistake
It was my ignorance
It was my carelessness
It was my rule

I know
Now I can't change anything
I can't do anything about it

I can never be the same
As I was
Before

I know
I can't yet
I can't stop myself from thinking all this

I know
I can't share my feelings with anyone
I don't have anyone
I don't have any friend with whom I can

It was my mistake that
I thought I had my friend
My best friend

But I forgot
Since my childhood days
I never had any best friend
I have no childhood bestie

I always came in between two friends
Unknowingly and
Unintentionally

Whom I thought were my friends
I was so wrong
I was just telling them things
Irrelevant things


It was my mistake
I thought that I can share my feelings
With anyone

It was my mistake
I thought everyone will be with me
Always

It was my mistake
that my biggest fear is
losing people

I have lost
So many people
So many friends

With this
I have become strong
I have tried to live alone and happy

It was my mistake
I was so emotional
So immature to understand life

I am still wondering
How to be mature
Mature enough to handle life

It was my mistake
I overdid everything
I overdid always

It was my mistake
I tried to keep everyone happy and smiling
I tried to keep in touch with everyone


I don't know
Why I am writing this
Why I am doing this

I know after this
I may lose everyone
Forever and ever


I know
I am not the only one
Who goes through all this

I know
With passage of time
Everyone is busy in their own life

I know
All are now grown ups
There is no place left for a person like me

Yet
I will keep trying to
Make everything as it was before
I know it is not possible but
It is not impossible too

You may call me
An attention seeker

You may call me
A sympathy gainer

You may call me
A crying baby

You may call me
An under estimator

You may call me
A child for life

You may call me
A pessimistic

You may call me
An ideal person for life

You may call me
A person lacking emotional stability

You may call me
A runner from problems

You may call me
A misguider

You may call me
A gossiper

You may call me
A messenger

You may call me
A person unable to express

You may call me
A person who will be alone always

You may call me
A loser

You may call me
A complainer

You may call me
A ungrateful person

You may call me
A backstabber

You may call me
An immature person


You may hate me
For writing all this

You may hate me
For not thanking what I have

You may judge me
As You Like It

For it is up to you
How to think
What to think

May be
I was overreacting
May be
I was possessive for whomever I meet
May be
I was exaggerating
May be
I was panicking
May be
I was losing patience
May be
I was overdoing it again
May be
I was responsible for all this.

Yet
I am always there for everyone
Always at
Everyplace
Everytime
Everywhere








Sunday, 28 May 2017

One Day

Today I saw him
Going to his place
With his broken heart

I tried to stop him
He did not stopped
He kept walking

He was wearing a hat red in colour
Face covered with a brown scarf
Only his eyes were visible
A torn suit with a half made bow
A pair of boots stitched from sides

He went moving
He kept going
Without any destination

His face covered with sadness
His brown eyes 
Swollen with tears

I followed him
I followed him to know 
What was wrong

I wanted to know
Where he was going
Where he wanted to go

Following him for quite some time
I thought to go and talk to him
To know more about him

Hardly had I thought to go and meet him
He started crying in agony
He was in great pain

The pain which we all go through
The pain which can't be seen physically
The pain which ruins our life

It was the emotional pain
It was the pain which can't be healed easily
It is more intense than physical wounds

Remembering the lines from
Book The Fault In Our Stars
Pain demands to be felt

I tried to console him
He lay there
Broken shattered into pieces

I asked him
What was wrong
He told me his heart ,his feelings

He was going through all this
From much time
He wanted to run away

He started to run away from this
His life was a hard life
Harder than his lost love

He lost all the treasures of life
He lost everything
In a blink of eye

I told him he is alive
Running away wont help
Face life face challenges
Which was advised by my friend once

He was broken
I told him that it will get healed
With new hopes he should start a new life

He promised to
Give it a fresh start
With new beginnings

Little did I know
He was that same man
Whom I thought to meet him one day

Blessing me
He went from there
Again I missed a chance to meet him.

Yet I was happy
Once again he inspired me
He made me smile.


Saturday, 27 May 2017

A Strange Ragpicker

Sitting on my terrace
At night
Having coffee
In silence

I hear his voice
Everyday
I have been hearing his voice
For more than five years

Everynight
He passes by my house
Singing a song inaudible to me
Having an empty bag on his back

I see him everyday
I patiently wait for him
Seeing him
I feel better

I see him everyday
In a blue shirt
With torn black jeans
Wearing brown sandals

I see him everyday
Having nothing much
Yet everything
With him

Some people call him​ mental
Some people call him abnormal
Nobody knows about him
Nobody wants to know about him

After waiting to see him clearly
Today I saw him
When he stopped near my house
Murmuring some words

I saw his face for the first time
His face has given a long lasting
Impression on me which
I wont forget never

He has a face so thin
Thinner than his thin body
Having four lines
On his forehead

His eyes
Dark brown in colour
Deeper than the Pacific Ocean
Searching something

His black hairs
Longer than usual
Blacker than the darkness
Darker in the night

His long ears
Longer than the wavelength
Ears dying to hear
Soothing words

His long nose
Not longer than
The wide smile
On his thin lips

I see him
Happy always
Happier than
When I last saw him

He sings loud sometimes
When he doesn't see anyone
For this
People call him attention seeker

His aims are high
Higher than the towers
His life is tough
Tougher than climbing mountain

He doesn't sees anything
He doesn't stop
He keeps going
He doesn't listens to anyone

Other people say things to him
Some openly
Some indirectly
Ignoring he keeps moving

Many of them
Criticise him
Yet he doesn't give them attention
Faces criticism like silent night

He inspires me
He encourages me
He motivates me
Without looking at me
Without saying a word to me

He comes daily
With his heavy steps
With his soulful voice
Reaching to me before he reaches

With his coming
I feel blessed
With his going
I feel trapped

He has made me realise
The true meaning of life
Living happily under every situation
Smiling always

People call him poor
Yet he is rich in values
People insult him
Yet he respects them

His way of carrying him
Is a treat to eyes
His carefree attitude
Makes me to let go  negativity

His optimistic approach
Towards life
Makes me wonder
Where I am heading

He enjoys his life
To the fullest
Without spending a penny
He is enjoying life everyday

I see him
Everynight
Lost in his world
Away from this cruel and dominating world

He has secluded himself from the world
To get lost in another  world
Musical world
Getting relaxed by singing

Moving nonstop on foot
Going somewhere
In search of acceptance
I guess
In search of love
I guess
In search of care
I guess

I will meet him the next day
Will have a conversation with him
Will know where he goes everynight
Will ask him the route to happiness
Will get to know him better.


A New Life

Sitting near the beach
Having a good time
Thinking
I lay there

The wet brown sand
Touching my feet
Speaking volumes
Unheard by me

Sea roaring
Breezy wind blowing
Touching my gloomy face
Telling me unseen things

Coconut trees
Reaching the sky
Touching the roaring sky
With ease

Clusters of waves
Reaching out to me
Going away from me in a blink of eye
Hitting the sea shore

Making the brown sand wet
Wet with tears
Tears rolling down in form of
Land and Sea breeze

Looking at the vast sea
Watching the sea getting emotional
Sea dealing with his emotions
Patiently

I lay there
Seeing sea going through all
Fighting back bravely
Closing my eyes I thought about myself

Remembering the good old days
When I was good
Good in academics
Good in handling life

Days well spent
Days when innocence was my strength
Days when I was serious
Days when I was sincere

Childhood days
Spent beautifully
With my sister and brothers
Which were the best days of my life

With teenage years
Came the fear of acceptance and ignorance of the world
With adulthood
Came the fear of living in this world

When I wanted to live
Life wasn't fair
When I wanted to run away
Life was beautiful

Ignoring the negativity
I kept moving
Facing everything
I kept moving

Challenges were my toys
Playing with the challenges
Losing in the challenges
I kept going on
Believing in Him

Never knowing
What was waiting for me
Hidden by life
Changing me for eternity

Entering the teenage years
I lost myself
Failing  in life
I faced life for the first time

Life shattered for me
Fear engulfed me
Fear of helplessness
Fear of losing

Getting immense support
Getting extreme care
Getting immense love
I fought back bravely

Yet again
Fear without an invitation came
Fear engulfed me
Fear centred my life

Now it was different
Fear of fear
Fear of fear engulfing my life
Fear of fear centring my life

Now
I didn't feared failure
I didn't feared ignorance
I didn't feared neglection

With these thoughts
I saw the beautiful sea view
Spreading across miles and miles
Deep blue water smiling at me
Dolphin welcoming my new self

The sun setting down the horizon
Seeing the natural beauty of the sunset
Telling me that
Have hope as
Tomorrow there will be a sunrise
With a new dawn
Bringing life to me

I saw my face in
Deep blue water
From gloomy face to glowing face
I got a new life for me

To live
To be defeated
To fail
Not to give up
Not to fear your fears
To rise back
To fight back
As sea fought back bravely
Never to stop
Keep moving
Keep going.
















Thursday, 25 May 2017

Being In Love

Have you ever been in love
She asked me
Are you seeing someone
She again asked me

Listening to her questions
I was cold
Ignoring her
I moved on


Is there anyone in your life
Chuckling
She again asked me
This time with more enthusiasm

I asked her
Why are you asking me such questions
She said
By reading my writings she thought

Wasting
No time
I said yes
She was amazed

She enquired
With whom
Followed by other questions

I said yes
I have been in love
With my family
With my friends

I said yes
I am seeing
Not someone
But many

I am seeing plants grow
I am seeing lofty mountains
I am seeing greeny fields
I am seeing sea shore
I am seeing waves hitting the sea shore
I am seeing ponds filled with lotus
I am seeing lakes surrounded by migratory birds
I am seeing rivers flowing

Again I told her
I have seen people die of hunger
I have seen people living a miserable life
I have seen people fighting over petty issues
I have seen people struggling to live

I went on telling her
I have seen people neglecting others
I have seen people ignoring others
I have seen people exploiting others

I further told her
I have seen nice people
I have seen genuine people
I have seen people living their life to the fullest


I was telling her
She stopped me midway
Saying not a word
She went.

Someday Somewhere

On my way to office
I see him everyday
At the same place
In the same clothes

Wearing bright white  t-shirt and
A Black Pants
With slogan
Work Hard

I see him always
Sitting under a shady tree
With him boundless packed
Selling books and magazines

I try to interact with him
Everytime I try
I am unable to interact
With him as he is busy with his other customers

Seeing him
So busy
I change my mind and
Move on to my way

Thinking about him
So deeply
I am not able to concentrate on my work
In my office

Making up my mind of
Meeting him and interacting with him
On my way back
I quickly leave my office

Sadly he is not there
I see him everywhere
Yet can't find him
Searching him for five minutes

I ask other people
Adjacent to his place
People or may be his friends
About him leaving his place quite early

Sadly I walk
To my bus stop
Waiting for my bus
I think of him

I see him everywhere
I see him following me
I see him standing next to me
In my daydreaming

Getting in my bus
I don't take window seat
Instead
I take the last seat

Sitting there
I think more of him
I can't listen to songs
He just coming in front of my eyes

After about one hour
I reach my home
Still thinking about him
Having my dinner

I went to sleep
Again I am woken up by him
I see him in my dream
A dream which I don't remember now

The next day
Being Monday
My weekly off
I go just to see him

Thought of seeing him again
Makes me happy
The reason I don't know

I reach to his place
Waiting for him
Patiently

Seeing me waiting for him
People or may be his friends
Tell me about him
Which totally shattered me

They in a sense of grief
Tell me about him
Going away
Leaving the place

I ask them about him
Whatever they knew
About him or
About his family

Nobody knows much about him
They only knew
He came​ from a nearby town
He didn't interacted with them much

He helped everyone
He made everyone smile
He did everything for others
He hardly spoke

Someone told me
That day he was much happier
Was on cloud nine
Reason he didn't told them

May be his son from
Army was coming back
May be he was going to
Meet his grandchildren for the very first time

Finally I wasn't able to meet him
That day too
Yet I wait for him
Everyday

Why
I don't know
Still I am hoping to meet him
Someday
Somewhere.








Monday, 22 May 2017

A Writer's World



Listening to her favorite heartbreaking songs
She woke up from her sleep
Thinking that something good will happen
She got up from her bed

Surprisingly she forgot
Her birthday
Her day
Her happiest day of the year

The day which she waited for the whole year
She checked her phone
No birthday wishes
No missed calls

Calmly she checked her other social networks
No posts
No messages
Nothing

She thought to her
What has happened to her
Is she alright
Is everything fine with her

Pondering upon
She remembered
Her deadly past
Her evil past

She didn't wanted to spoil her mood
She wanted her day to be a great one
She kept herself strongly
She didn't did that

Cursing herself
She refreshed her mood
She made herself comfortable
She made herself better

Punishing herself
She recollected all the past events
She remembered all the events
In a flashback

She remembered how she was disowned by her haters
She remembered how she was ignored by  world
She remembered how she was neglected by the world
Just for one mistake

Her mistake was to change this world
Her mistake was to love
Love not him
But her writing

She was told to stop writing
She was barred from reading too
She was left in this world with her textbooks
A world where she was a foreigner

She was always told that
Her writing was nothing
She can't write well
Was the thought of the world

For them she was nothing
She wasn't a good writer
But for her family and friends
She was a good writer

She knew well
She was just a small fraction
Of the literary world
Other writers of the world are far better than her

But she was learning
She was maturing
In her poetry
In her writing


She was depressed
She was dejected
Yet
She was determined

She was slow in her writing
She did well in writing
For her family
For her friends

The support which she wanted
Was only given by her grandmother
By her parents
By her sister  brothers and her friends

They believed in her potential
More than herself
Her dream was
Their  dream

At every step
They did things which boosted her confidence
Sometimes knowingly
Sometimes unknowingly

Her parents sister and friends were
An inspiration for her
As far as writing is concerned
They themselves were in writing field

She did  got sad
When people ignored her writing
But remembering her sister and her friends words to not to go after these people
She again started writing with more enthusiasm

Her sister knew her
She told her to write and write
From her very first poem to her latest
She was an integral part

One side was the world
Criticising her for her writing and poetry
On the other side
Was her friend

Always guiding her
Always editing her draft but not changing it
Always helping her to write better
Her friend was always there

She made her writing more beautiful
More innovating
Even in her busy schedule
Even in her exams

She was her constant support
She was her constant companion
She was her mentor
She was her inspiration

Seeing all this
She rediscovered herself that day
On her birthday
She was given the best gift
The gift of lost writing
Her talent was back to make a difference

When she felt low
She wrote
When she was happy
She wrote

When everything was at its place
She wrote
When everything was breaking a part
She wrote

For the world
She was immature
For the world
She was rude

For the world
She was cold natured
For the world
She was self centered

Yes
She was
She definitely was
As she was lost in her own thoughts
As she was lost in her own world
In the world of writing

She found happiness
She found bliss
She found herself
In writing

For her everything was second
For her writing was her priority
For her writing was important
More than her exams

She studied well
But not better for her exams
As writing was in her mind
She wanted to write and write

Yes
She was not a famous writer
She was not known by many
Only her family and her friends knew her

She wrote on every topic
She wrote whatever she wrote was not enough for her
She imagined
She wrote
She saw
She wrote
She thought
She wrote

For her nature was her best teacher
For her getting lost in nature was a blessing
For her snow covered mountains were her friends
For her flowing stream was world challenging her
For her mother nature was her life

She read Wordsworth
The more she read
The more she wrote
On nature
On waterfalls
On greeny fields.

That day
Something happened
Something so beautiful
Which changed her forever and ever

That day
She didn't celebrated her birthday
But celebrated her life
Which was her life
She stepped in her world

Facing criticism
Ignoring all the negativity
Inspiring herself
Making herself comfortable
Giving her all
She came out of her dilemma courageously
She evolved as a better writer

She did had a belief in her
She knew she was a writer for life
Yet
She was going to shatter herself into pieces
Was saved by her family and friends

She got up
To make herself better
From her previous writing
To write again
But what
She didn't know

She went
She went depper
In her thoughts
In her world.




Right or Wrong?

It is my mistake that I thought you as my best friend It is my mistake that I want to be your best friend It is my mistake that I give ...