Monday, 25 September 2017

An Unforgettable Night

Sitting near her window
Waiting for the stars to shine 
She was there looking at the night sky

Writing her heart out on a piece of paper
Expressing herself through words
She was there with a pen in her hand

Having none for her 
Having no best friends 
She was there with tears rolling down her cheeks

Whom she thought were her best friends
They were not
They were just her close friends but not best friends

She spent more than 21 years
In search of her best friend
She forgot that best friends are earned not made

She was there sitting looking at the moon
Finding an escape to her pessimistic thoughts
She hated herself for not being a best friend to anyone

Her parents thought she talks her heart out
To her sister and brothers
To her friend

They were mistaken
As in reality
She never shared her mind her thoughts with anyone

She knew they won't understand her
Never they would
She sat there in pond of tears

Dealing with her problems
Dealing with her depression
She was there alone in life

Failing terribly in life
Going through so much at a very tender age
She was there smiling

Not many people know
How she had to waste a year of her life
An year which changed her forever

After that year
Nothing is same as it was
She has changed so much that even she herself can't believe it

Regretting her decisions
Remembering her mistakes and sins
She was there in isolation

Trying to understand life
Trying to be mature enough
She was there with her sadness

Introvert she was always
Extrovert she tried to be
That was her biggest mistake

Making up her mind
She made her final decision to end it all
She was egoistic for the first time

Her mind tried to calm her down
Her mind searched words for her to keep her motivated
But nothing worked for her

She was there all set to take a bold step
To run away from life
And yes she succeeded in her plan

She went away from everyone
Forever and ever
She knew things were going wrong but had none to listen to her

Except her books and her pen
She wished to say a final goodbye
But that too was not possible

She tried her best to tell people
But she was ignored
She was never understood by anyone

Not by her family
Not by her so called friends
Not by anyone

She knew nothing will help her out
She did everything to be found
Yet was lost always

She was always laughed at
Over the years she got used to
Ignorance and Loneliness

At one time
She wanted to be in a relationship
But she remembered her family is really conservative

Conservatism has always been in her life
She fought and fought
Eventually she got tired and surrendered

Losing everything
Losing everyone
She lost herself

Best friends was just an illusion for her
An illusion which she never wanted
To come out and face the reality

She was good at writing
But was never best at it
Her words spoke more than herself

Her words were never understood
She was never understood by anyone
Her feelings were never understood
She was never understood

But she never ignored anyone
She tried to understand everyone
She cared for people
She loved people

She was there for everybody
She tried to help everyone
She loved to see people smile because of her

But that too
By doing so
She was labelled as an immature

She was reminded to behave
To behave as her age
But for her she was always a child

Yes she was not innocent
As people believed her to be
But she was not rude too

She tried to hide all her pain
All her deadly secrets
She hide her black life under her innocence

Secrets which she can't tell to anyone
Not even herself
She will end up hating herself more

She knew people liked her
But never loved her

She made three friends
As her best friends
But lost them too

For her they were her best friends
For them she was a friend
Irony is that all the three had S in their initials

She never made friends starting from letter S
If she made she tried not to get emotionaly attached to them

She went away
Leaving behind her poetry collection for them to read
Not today but tomorrow

With her going
All her secrets went with her
Unheard untold unlistened too

She went away
Away from this cruel world
Away from the world





Sunday, 24 September 2017

Life In A Coaching Class

Seems like yesterday
When for the first time
I was going to step into a new world
A world where I hardly knew anyone

I was so terrified
I remember my inner self telling me
It's okay
Everything will be good

I taking my bag from my closet
The best bag I had with me
My sister telling me
Don't worry

I taking so many pens and pencils
In my favourite pencil box
Taking out the biggest register
Ever bought by me

Having two mugs of coffee
In a really special mug
Taking blessings
And a tiny thread in memory of him

I being in my best
Dressed decently
Yet shivering with fear
Trying to be calm

I walked out of my room
Taking blessings from my maternal grandmother
Folding hands infront of his photo

Telling my mother about
Telling my sister about
My nervousness
Before leaving my home


My introvert nature was trying it's best
To be better
My mind was repeating all the positive quotes read till then

I didn't knew
What will happen
How will be my first day
At my coaching centre

I being an introvert by nature
Since my childhood days
Had never ever been to coaching
That too coed coaching

Before that I never had interacted
With so many people
At the same time
Fear engulfing me

My mind telling me
You are here to study
To study more and more
Study hard

Remember you have to
Make his dream come true
His last wish to
Get good grades

I knew he is with me
Always and
He is seeing me from above
Blessing me

I remember before that night
I was talking to my friend on phone
I remember she telling me
Don't be fearful they won't say you anything and to study hard

I gathering courage
On my way to the coaching centre
Reached there
I was again enveloped in fear

Seeing so many people for the first time
I was calm to see my friends there
Waving at me
I was at peace seeing them

Never have I ever so much happy
Seeing them
Before that day
They knew me

I was with my friends
I was following them like shadow
I was sitting in my coaching class
With my friends in the middle row

I was hiding my face
I was taking down the notes
In my brand new register
With my new pen

The first week was spent in
Nervousness
Hesitation
Fear

After the first week
Slowly and slowly
I got used to it
I got adapted to that atmosphere

Slowly I started to learn
Not only academically but also
Socially
With time my hesitation too faded away

I made new friends too
Yet I hardly talked to anyone
Except my friends
I tried to grasp the concepts taught

I made some good memories in coaching classes
To be cherished forever
Looking back to those times
I remember those times those days with joy

It was not a coaching
But was like a family
We used to encourage motivate others
Help each other

We were punished also sometimes
Yet we enjoyed standing in the punishment
It was the best time spent
It started in fear ended in confidence

Yet I will always miss him
Yet I will always keep writing
About him
For him

Friday, 18 August 2017

Right or Wrong?

It is my mistake that I thought you as my best friend

It is my mistake that I want to be your best friend

It is my mistake that I give so much importance to you

It is my mistake that I keep on ignoring my intuition

It is my mistake that I don't listen to my conscience

It is my mistake that I thought that I too can have a best friend

It is my mistake that I thought everyone is my best friend

It is my mistake that I try to be your best friend

It is my mistake that I am busy thinking about you

It is my mistake that seeing you I feel happy

It is my mistake that meeting you makes me elated

It is my mistake that I have feelings  for you

It is my mistake that I put efforts to be in your life

It is my mistake that I cry missing you

It is my mistake that I over analyse everything

It is my mistake that reading your texts emails makes me to never let you go

It is my mistake that you have only me as your best friend

It is my mistake that I forgot you have many friends better than me

It is my mistake that I miss the days spent with you

It is my mistake that I long to meet you

It is my mistake that I want to tell you about me

It is my mistake that I am not like others

It is my mistake that I can't be like others

It is my mistake that I can't afford to lose people

It is my mistake that I get emotionally attached with anyone easily

It is my mistake that I can't force people to be a best friend to me

It is my mistake that I fear losing people in my life

It is my mistake that I don't have anyone except you

It is my mistake that I don't know how to be a best friend

It is my mistake that I don't speak much

It is my mistake that I prefer listening to speaking

It is my mistake that I can't insult people to be a best friend

It is my mistake that I don't have much topics to talk on

It is my mistake that I am too shy

It is my mistake that I don't know how to make a best friend

It is my mistake that I don't share everything

It is my mistake that I don't like abusing people

It is my mistake that I don't have anyone to tag on social media

It is my mistake that I understand people

It is my mistake that I haven't been a best friend to anyone

It is my mistake that I don't know what to talk

It is my mistake that I worry for others problem

It is my mistake that I try to make everyone happy

It is my mistake that I try not to make anyone sad because of my words

It is my mistake that I am polite with everyone

It is my mistake that I believe in true friendship

It is my mistake that I can't afford to be a fake friend

It is my mistake that I want everyone to be my best friend

It is my mistake that I don't know the meaning of friendship

It is my mistake that I have failed in being a best friend

It is my mistake that I have terribly failed in making friends

It is my mistake that I have failed miserably when it comes to Friendship

It is my mistake that I don't know how to be a best friend

It is my mistake that I take everything seriously when it comes to make others happy

It is my mistake that I haven't been able to take qualities of friendship from family

It is my mistake that I think of others more than myself

It is my mistake that I am in habit of making sacrifices just to see others happy

It is my mistake that I am not yet mature enough to understand people and life

It is my mistake that I am close to none either in family or outside family

It is my mistake that I keep on doing things for everyone

It is my mistake that I don't keep grudges against anyone

It is my mistake that I can be a sweet a loving friend but can never be a best friend

It is my mistake that I fear losing people

It is my mistake that I believe in complete forgiveness

It is my mistake that I can't hate people for a reason

It is my mistake that I can't stop loving people for no reason

It is my mistake that I can't share my problems with anyone

It is my mistake that I am emotionally weak but strong enough to make others feel special

It is my mistake that I think everything

It is my mistake that at times I get irritated easily

It is my mistake that I try my level best to fit in

It is my mistake that I don't talk to many people but with whom I talk I fall for them easily

It is my mistake that I search for inspiring people

It is my mistake that I don't open up with people easily as either I lose people or myself

It is my mistake that I at times try to copy others not completely but in a way that I get emotionaly attached with them

It is my mistake that I am a very reserved kind of person

It is my mistake that I miss the old golden days

It is my mistake that I concentrate more on other things than being a best friend

It is my mistake that I try to meet people but fail on their priority list

It is my mistake that I have done nothing great for anyone

It is my mistake that I have none except HIM

It is my mistake that I believe in God as it is something which has been taught to me by maternal grandmother

It is my mistake that I can't see people struggling

It is my mistake that I am nothing to anyone especially when it comes to friends

It is my mistake that people think that I am forcing them to talk to them

It is my mistake that I can't talk about things which people like

It is my mistake that I don't have much pictures with family and friends

It is my mistake that I get serious everytime I meet someone

It is my mistake that I don't want to be with people yet I want to be

It is my mistake that I think of the things which can never happen

It is my mistake that I want to stay connected with everyone

It is my mistake that I become a clown for people when I am just sharing

It is my mistake that people laugh at me yet I forget everything

It is my mistake that I fail at expressing

It is my mistake that I do so much for people at times to answer them why I do for them

It is my mistake that I try to find HIM in every other person

It is my mistake that I can't stop caring for others

It is my mistake that I can't leave them in problems

It is my mistake that I go out of the way to help others

It is my mistake that I have lost so much in life

It is my mistake that I have lost my friends whom I thought we were best friends

It is my mistake that I forget that everyone can't be my best friend

It is my mistake that I still prefer hand written notes and letters to messages

It is my mistake that I am writing all this without having any clue why I am writing this

It is my mistake that I wasted so much time in writing this

It is my mistake that I have nothing with me

It is my mistake that I apologise often in order to save relations

It is my mistake that I am writing this at the time when I should be sleeping


Am I doing right
Am I doing wrong

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

The Last Goodbye

Having lost everything
Everyone 
Her family
Her friends

Everything 
Her hopes
Her dreams
Her talent

She sat in a park
Alone 
Wanted to go home but she can't
Wanted to go to her best and true friends house but can't

Looking here and there
Looking left and right
Looking for her life
She cried and cried

Depressed she was forever
Sad she was always
Sluggish she was always
Heartless she was never

Thinking of none
She went away from everyone
She ran away from everything
Her house Her home Her life

Things were getting worse for her
Love was no where to be found
Care was no where to be found
Peace was no where to be found

She left everything which was her life one time
Reading 
Writing
Expressing herself through her words

Researching 
Analysing
Introspecting
Herself her life she drowned in pond of depression

Cutting away herself from every way
By which people could contact her
For showing their fake love and care
Trying to be her friend

Going away from her life
Her haunting life
She left the world 
In search of a best friend

Searching for her best friend 
In everyone
Everyday know
Everyplace
Everyday

Sharing her problems
Sharing her thoughts
Was her mistake
Her biggest regret

Saying nothing
Complaining about nothing
Thanking everyone 
She left to go for
Her last journey

Wishing everyone 
Best of everything
Best of luck 
She bide her last goodbye

With a wish 
Next time she will
Find her best friend
Her true friend in her life. 

Untitled Love

Four years ago
I met you in a distant land
Happiest was I meeting you
Elated was I seeing you
You looked handsome
With red shirt describing your feelings
That day you didn't say anything
Those three magical words were
Said by your lucky red shirt
Yes it was your lucky shirt
But now it's mine too
I was better but not perfect
Yet I saw your black eyes following me
Like moon following our car
Conversations were sweet
I saw you in your best
You saw me in my worst
Though I didn't hear I Love You
But I heard the voice of your heart
Screaming so loudly
That was perhaps the best day of my life
May be of our life
Our not so romantic life but
Our innocent life

Friendship

Friendship is being there for each other
Friendship is helping each other
Friendship is caring for each other
Friendship is walking with each other
Friendship is protecting each other
Friendship is loving each other
Friendship is respecting each other
Friendship is living in each other's heart
Friendship is staying by each other's side
Friendship is guiding each other
Friendship is ignoring all the flaws of each other
Friendship is bringing happiness in each other's life
Friendship is taking all the darkness away from each other"s life
Friendship is magic
Friendship is much more than posting pictures on social media
Friendship is accepting each other
Friendship is spreading joy and happiness in each other's life
Friendship is loving each other at everytime
Friendship is nothing if it's with benefits
Friendship is innocent
Friendship is much more than Friendship bands
Friendship is enjoying  each other's company
Friendship is guiding each other what is right and what is wrong
Friendship is understanding each other
Friendship is making each other's day special
Friendship is not meeting for days and months but still nothing changes
Friendship is having a bond which never gets weak but gets Strong day by day
Friendship is having not many friends but only one friend who will never leave you
Friendship is same in sunshine
Friendship is same in rain
Friendship is same in triumph
Friendship is same in disaster
Friendship is same  in success
Friendship is same in failure
Friendship is same in everything
Friendship is pure
Friendship is innocent
Friendship is in words
Friendship is in actions
Friendship is proving your words in actions
Friendship can't be forced
Friendship can't be pushed
Friendship is one of the best gifts of the world
Friendship is being with your friend when they are need
Listening to them
Keeping their secrets secret no matter what
Friendship is making them better
Friendship is motivating your friends
Friendship is encouraging your friends
Friendship is appreciating your friends
Friendship is giving them honest views when they ask you
Friendship is beyond words
Friendship is unique in its own way

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

To My Dearest Friend

It feels so great to know about your homecoming
These gone by days were like two centuries
Each day I missed you
I don't know why
Mind said o please stop it
Go and study hard be practical
Heart said be good to others say what you want to say as long it doesn't hurt sentiments
You know while writing this I was imagining the consequences of writing this
Two things can happen
This will either give momentum to our friendship or will break it permanently
I can't keep this to myself anymore
I can't handle anymore the battle between heart and mind
So here it goes
I had smiled reading our conversation on FB WhatsApp and emails exchanged
I had cried too because I was missing you so much
I wanted to ask you many things but
Never wanted to disturb you
Knowing the fact you were extremely busy
Everytime when I get a message from you
I feel happy
I can't write  much as I have left reading and writing
but before I give adieu to writing
let me first write something for you
Every word is not only a word but also an emotion
Every letter is not only a letter but also carrying depth
Every sentence is not only a sentence but also a combination of feelings
Every paragraph is not a paragraph but also a pyramid of tenderness of my heart
Mind says leave it years later you  may regret it writing
Heart says write you are not doing anything wrong  you are just trying to express yourself
If you had ever truly known me then you will get why I am writing this
I missed you a lot
When I was confused
When I had none
When I was just left aloof
When I saw your name
When I saw your gift
When I heard your words
When I was repeating your messages sent in the form of words
When I wanted suggestions on my lost writings
When I was in emotional pain
When I needed guidance
When I needed inspiration
And much more
I just want to thank you for your time
I want to thank you for being there for me
I want to thank you for telling me the right things
I want to thank you for helping me so much
I want to thank you for doing nothing yet everything in a special way
I just want that may all your dreams come true
I just want to thank you for everything
I just want to thank you for being friends with me for the almost ten years
Thank you for everything everytime being with me
I don't know what you feel about me but for me you are perfect in every way
I am with you always
Remember that
But sorry for hurting you that day and another time too
Thank you for staying with me even after being much busy than me
Thank you very much.
There is so much to say but then it will be too long
I know that for you actions speak louder than words
I know we are not besties but may be we are true friends
I know we don't tag each other all day
I know our friendship is unique , different from other friendships
And yes I will try to excel in everything I do
You know if I am writing this it's because of you
Last year I was thinking stupidly but
You saved me that day
After my sister and brothers
If there is someone who can act like my family
Then it's you
You have always been there for me
I do remember that at the time when I needed your help
You were ninety nine times for me
You have always helped me so much
From helping in giving me the book to helping me in my internship
You have been an integral part of me
When we first met I never had thought that you would  be friends for so long with me
Even after being from different backgrounds especially academically
You have been friends with me
Changing school also couldn't make any difference in our friendship
Today you are in hostel yet you are with me
If today I could wish something
One of would be you as my friends
Though I know we are not besties or never can be but I guess we are true friends
Some days ago when I was going through my chats
I discovered that I talk to you more than anyone
I know reading this you may feel sad and bad
As for you words are nothing but actions are
I know we haven't spent some great time
In school too I was the same who was alone
By choice
The day you got selected in one of the prestigious institutes
I was so happy for you
I was really happy
Yes I know I should concentrate on my studies more than this
Sometimes it becomes necessary to say things
Say it aloud
I don't have the guts to say you these things personally
I wish I could
At this moment
I can't
Because I fear losing people
Especially like you
I wish you had met me earlier
It's great that we met during our school days
I can't say much
Enough is already said
Hope you will read it
And will be happy reading this
Most importantly
Just remember that
I will be always there for you
I won't leave you alone

Regards
Your Secret Admirer.

An Unforgettable Night

Sitting near her window Waiting for the stars to shine  She was there looking at the night sky Writing her heart out on a piece of ...